nut hugger
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
