Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
