The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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