Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
