I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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