Me too!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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