The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
