Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
