I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
