I look better un-naked...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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