So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize