My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
