i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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