you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
