And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
