I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
