party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
