Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
