I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
