Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
