i barfeds in our rink
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
