Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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