I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
