I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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