Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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