If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
