So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize