After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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