Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish you could order shots online.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
