This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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