K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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