There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
and you fell through a lawn chair
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
