apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
