you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
