lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
