Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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