i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
