you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
