hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
