I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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