omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
