They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
