the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
