Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
