I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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