At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
