I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
