how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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