I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
