You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
