Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
