Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
