So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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