I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize