That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
