Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
