i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
