There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
