Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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