she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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