Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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