pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
