Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize