Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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