Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
