Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
