i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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