your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize