The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize