Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
