Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
